So you're querying your little heart out on your novel and finally it comes.
The Call.
It's what you've been waiting for. You want to jump up and down, scream and shout, and for all intents and purposes wed the person who offers you representation, right?
Except when you don't.
When I was first starting to query for my novel GEMMA UP-OVER, I had made three lists of agents: Most Desired, Somewhat Desired, and Desired.
And if you want to know something about me, something deep-down, soul-wrenching true, here it is:
I'm impatient. I want things to happen, like, NOW.
When I had my query out I was checking my e-mail obsessively every 20 seconds. I would even check my phone notification to make sure everything was working. Test e-mails and everything. Yes, I was that crazy. But don't judge me, you know you do it too!
Anyway, when I got the first offer of representation it was a Sunday afternoon, probably two weeks after I had sent this agent my query package.
Now, the thing about picking an agent is you have to find one who is the right fit for you. In this day of internet searches, following agents on Twitter, or stalking their blogs, you think you get to know them. You like what they've got to say, you think you could be BFFs and the like.
But the query process is as much for the agent to see if they like your work as it is for you to see if you think you'd like to work with that agent.
I decided not to accept the first offer and I'm going to break it down in a minute. I just want to clear something up first. I like the agent who offered representation. I think she is doing great things and is going to go very far with her agency. I respect and admire her. She is hard working. She slaves over her clients' manuscripts and does everything a wonderful agent should to get their work published.
When I first had my writing dream, way back in my mother's womb, though, I knew there was one thing I wanted above anything else. I wanted to be published in NYC. Your goals may be different, so take this advice or leave it. It's up to you.
I'm certainly not saying small presses or self-pubbing is not the way to go. For what you want, either of those may be perfectly logical steps. However, my dream is NYC and I'm going to push hard to make that dream a reality. (Not to mention, my father works for a printing company and I have always wanted to be able to walk onto the printing floor with him and see my book coming off a press. I think we'd both break down and weep. There will be photos if this ever happens, I promise.)
So I turned down the offer from the first agent and here are the reasons why:
1. While this agent is openly acquiring YA manuscripts, she did not have many (or any) yet on her list. Being a debut author, I thought I might be more comfortable with someone more firmly entrenched in the YA world.
2. This agent already had a large number of clients and a bit of a back-log in her reading schedule. While the back-log would have given me time to edit and revise some more, I'm an impatient person (see above). I really just want things to happen NOW.
3. The agent offered after reading three sample chapters and a synopsis. I'm new to the querying/offering process and so I asked my awesomely awesome critique partner about this. I just wasn't sure I felt comfortable offering my book if we hadn't talked about what direction it might take. However, this was not the tipping point for me. The tipping point was number four.
4. Like I said, one of my goals is to be published in NYC. One of the first things I found out after speaking to this agent is that she has not sold to NYC. That's not to say she won't sell to NYC, because I fully belief she's got the heart and determination. She just hasn't done it yet. This is where I got greedy. I really just wanted to see what would happen if I held out a little bit.
It was scary. Terrifying, really. What if that offer in March was the only one I was ever going to get? What if my book wasn't good enough for NYC. What if...what if...what if...
I could go on for hours/days/weeks/months about all the doubts and fears I had, but in the end, I just didn't want to settle. If the agenting relationship is like a marriage, you don't want to marry your runner-up, do you? That's not to say the agent who offered isn't a good agent and might not be the perfect agent-spouse for you, but for me, I just needed to test the currents a bit and see if I could swim.
Scary? Yes.
Worth it? Totally. Without a doubt. No question about it.
29 September 2011
22 September 2011
Lessons from the Trenches: My Query Process by the Numbers
Since I'm now agented, I thought I'd share what the query process was like for me. I'm a planner. I like to know when things are supposed to happen, how long it will take, etc. Ask Mandy. I tell her to give me deadlines all the time. I need structure to make things happen.
So, we'll go month by month.
August 2010: I finished my first draft and sent to the most amazing critique partner I could ever ask for.
September 2010-February 24, 2011: Looked at notes and revised draft one. I'll call this completed version Draft 1.5.
February 24, 2011: Began querying. I made a ranked list of agents I'd like to try. Sent six queries in February.
March 2011: Sent 50 queries. These were from three different categories that I made up, Categories A, B, C, A being my most desired agents, B being cool agents but ones I wasn't 100% sold on, and C being agents who I hoped would probably say yes.
Some responded within minutes--7 minutes, to be exact. It took some longer, following the allotted amount of time on their website. Some, I never heard from. There's been a great kerfuffle about agents not responding to queries on the internet and I may address that at a later point.
I got one offer. Two requests for fulls, including a request from Mandy. One request for partial. I turned down the agent offer--I will have another post on this later, I promise. One full came back a rejection but with ideas for improving. Mandy said she'd be willing to look at a revised version. I thought working on a revision meant a fast turn around--I was wrong. I will have a post on this, too. Revisions received a rejection as well.
April 2011: Sent 16 queries. No offers, no requests.
May 2011: Sent 2 queries. No response. I was giving up hope at this point. I was doubting my intelligence at turning down the agent offer. I was caught in a downward spiral of bad thinking.
June 2011: Sent 2 queries. No response. I went to a novel revision retreat hosted by my local chapter of SCBWI. It was incredible. It was amazing. There are no other words. I learned everything I know about revision from this workshop with Cheryl Klein. I vowed to rewrite over the summer.
July 2011: Sent 2 queries. No response. Rewrite continues.
August 2011: Rewrite continues and finishes. I sent updated full manuscripts to both agents who requested a full in March, as well as to a few others who seemed possibly interested in the spring but had not taken the bait. I sent this revised version to all agents at 3:00am Friday morning, August 18. Tuesday, August 22, on The Day The Toilet Almost Exploded I got The Call from Mandy Hubbard
August 25, 2011: A year to the day after I finished my first draft, I signed with my agent!
So, that's it. My query process by the numbers. Have you guys had better luck?
So, we'll go month by month.
August 2010: I finished my first draft and sent to the most amazing critique partner I could ever ask for.
September 2010-February 24, 2011: Looked at notes and revised draft one. I'll call this completed version Draft 1.5.
February 24, 2011: Began querying. I made a ranked list of agents I'd like to try. Sent six queries in February.
March 2011: Sent 50 queries. These were from three different categories that I made up, Categories A, B, C, A being my most desired agents, B being cool agents but ones I wasn't 100% sold on, and C being agents who I hoped would probably say yes.
Some responded within minutes--7 minutes, to be exact. It took some longer, following the allotted amount of time on their website. Some, I never heard from. There's been a great kerfuffle about agents not responding to queries on the internet and I may address that at a later point.
I got one offer. Two requests for fulls, including a request from Mandy. One request for partial. I turned down the agent offer--I will have another post on this later, I promise. One full came back a rejection but with ideas for improving. Mandy said she'd be willing to look at a revised version. I thought working on a revision meant a fast turn around--I was wrong. I will have a post on this, too. Revisions received a rejection as well.
April 2011: Sent 16 queries. No offers, no requests.
May 2011: Sent 2 queries. No response. I was giving up hope at this point. I was doubting my intelligence at turning down the agent offer. I was caught in a downward spiral of bad thinking.
June 2011: Sent 2 queries. No response. I went to a novel revision retreat hosted by my local chapter of SCBWI. It was incredible. It was amazing. There are no other words. I learned everything I know about revision from this workshop with Cheryl Klein. I vowed to rewrite over the summer.
July 2011: Sent 2 queries. No response. Rewrite continues.
August 2011: Rewrite continues and finishes. I sent updated full manuscripts to both agents who requested a full in March, as well as to a few others who seemed possibly interested in the spring but had not taken the bait. I sent this revised version to all agents at 3:00am Friday morning, August 18. Tuesday, August 22, on The Day The Toilet Almost Exploded I got The Call from Mandy Hubbard
August 25, 2011: A year to the day after I finished my first draft, I signed with my agent!
So, that's it. My query process by the numbers. Have you guys had better luck?
15 September 2011
Good Habit #1: Rewards
You'll hear me talk a lot about how writing is my third job. I'm a mom to two boys (4 and nearly 2) and a middle school Language Arts teacher. Writing gets done when I can squeak it in and not a second sooner.
And, seriously, sometimes there are days/weeks/months when I don't get anything done. SOL time, holidays, family illnesses that crop up during the school year. Until and unless writing becomes a full-time job for me there are two jobs more important to me right now.
Don't get me wrong, I love writing. But there are really only 24 hours in a day, no matter how I look at the clock.
I get up every weekday morning and write from 5:30-6:00. Writing on the weekend is done during nap time or once the kids go to bed. My word count goals for first drafts are this: weekdays-1k words, weekends-2kw words/day. All in all, I'm looking for about 9k words a week.
However this doesn't always happen. In fact, this rarely happens. I cannot always meet my word count. Because, let's face it, at the end of the day, after teaching 90 13-year olds, after cooking dinner, taking walks, feeding chickens, and playing with boys, writing is not the top thing on my list. Sitting on my butt on the couch is.
This is one reason we don't have television. I would never get things done!
This is a good reason for my motivational technique, though. I buy television shows on DVD to watch. My favorite are, of course YA shows, such as my current favorite: The Vampire Diaries.
So here's how I trick myself:
Me: You have to write 1k words today.
Me: Okay, but what's my motivation.
Me: If you write 1k words today you can watch an episode of The Vampire Diaries.
Me: Ian Somerhalder as a vampire?
Me: Yes, indeedy.
Me: Where the computer? Let's knock these words out.
On a good day, I can get my 1k words out in my 30-minute morning writing. On an average day, I get about 500 words in the morning and then I have to force myself to write 500 words in the evening. On a bad writing day, I don't meet my word count goal. On a horrible day, I don't write.
But on those bad and horrible days I don't get to drool over Ian Somerhalder. I get sad. It hurts. And you're right if you think that works for added motivation the next day.
Here are my reward rules:
1. Find a reward that means something
2. Set a reasonable goal. You don't want to set yourself up for failure but you don't want to make it too easy on yourself, either.
3. Limit the reward. I only allow myself 1 episode (or one hour) of dvds per 1000 words. So, on the weekend, I may get to watch a movie, or two episodes of TVD.
4. If I don't meet the word count, I don't get the reward. Period.
5. If I want to watch more, I have to write more.
6. Adjust as necessary.
7. Also, and this one is just personal: I will not start my reward if I'm not done writing by 9:20. My bed time is 10:00--I give myself an hour to read and lights out at 11:00, so if the show doesn't start by 9:20, I won't be in bed by 10!
8. Extra words don't carry over to the next day. If I write 3,000 words on a Tuesday, that's great, but it doesn't mean I don't have to write for the next two days.
Some days are just bad, be honest. Some days are so horrible that no amount of reward, not even a shirtless Ian Somerhalder episode of TVD is going to help. Some days, I just CANNOT write and I NEED Ian Somerhalder.
It's okay to cheat. Sometimes.
But if you make cheating a daily habit, you've lost your reward system. So be careful how much you "need" to cheat.
Hey, if you want to be a writer, you've got to sacrifice for it, right?
So, how do you reward yourself?
And, seriously, sometimes there are days/weeks/months when I don't get anything done. SOL time, holidays, family illnesses that crop up during the school year. Until and unless writing becomes a full-time job for me there are two jobs more important to me right now.
Don't get me wrong, I love writing. But there are really only 24 hours in a day, no matter how I look at the clock.
I get up every weekday morning and write from 5:30-6:00. Writing on the weekend is done during nap time or once the kids go to bed. My word count goals for first drafts are this: weekdays-1k words, weekends-2kw words/day. All in all, I'm looking for about 9k words a week.
However this doesn't always happen. In fact, this rarely happens. I cannot always meet my word count. Because, let's face it, at the end of the day, after teaching 90 13-year olds, after cooking dinner, taking walks, feeding chickens, and playing with boys, writing is not the top thing on my list. Sitting on my butt on the couch is.
This is one reason we don't have television. I would never get things done!
This is a good reason for my motivational technique, though. I buy television shows on DVD to watch. My favorite are, of course YA shows, such as my current favorite: The Vampire Diaries.
So here's how I trick myself:
Me: You have to write 1k words today.
Me: Okay, but what's my motivation.
Me: If you write 1k words today you can watch an episode of The Vampire Diaries.
Me: Ian Somerhalder as a vampire?
Me: Yes, indeedy.
Me: Where the computer? Let's knock these words out.
On a good day, I can get my 1k words out in my 30-minute morning writing. On an average day, I get about 500 words in the morning and then I have to force myself to write 500 words in the evening. On a bad writing day, I don't meet my word count goal. On a horrible day, I don't write.
But on those bad and horrible days I don't get to drool over Ian Somerhalder. I get sad. It hurts. And you're right if you think that works for added motivation the next day.
Here are my reward rules:
1. Find a reward that means something
2. Set a reasonable goal. You don't want to set yourself up for failure but you don't want to make it too easy on yourself, either.
3. Limit the reward. I only allow myself 1 episode (or one hour) of dvds per 1000 words. So, on the weekend, I may get to watch a movie, or two episodes of TVD.
4. If I don't meet the word count, I don't get the reward. Period.
5. If I want to watch more, I have to write more.
6. Adjust as necessary.
7. Also, and this one is just personal: I will not start my reward if I'm not done writing by 9:20. My bed time is 10:00--I give myself an hour to read and lights out at 11:00, so if the show doesn't start by 9:20, I won't be in bed by 10!
8. Extra words don't carry over to the next day. If I write 3,000 words on a Tuesday, that's great, but it doesn't mean I don't have to write for the next two days.
Some days are just bad, be honest. Some days are so horrible that no amount of reward, not even a shirtless Ian Somerhalder episode of TVD is going to help. Some days, I just CANNOT write and I NEED Ian Somerhalder.
It's okay to cheat. Sometimes.
But if you make cheating a daily habit, you've lost your reward system. So be careful how much you "need" to cheat.
Hey, if you want to be a writer, you've got to sacrifice for it, right?
So, how do you reward yourself?
08 September 2011
Bad Habit #1: Procrastination
So, this weekend I am moderating a few panels at the Write-Brained Network's first writing conference. While I am honored to be doing it, I'm scared stiff. This is, like, my first to-do as a "real" writer.
Obviously I'm nervous as heck and I am doing everything in my power to procrastinate.
As this is my third job (mom first, teacher second, writer third) I find it very easy to procrastinate. For example:
Scenario #1
Me: Hey, hubby. I've got a conference to prepare for.
Hubby: Awesome. The boys need food. They also need diapers and wipes.
Me: Oh, a shopping trip. Also, the house needs to be cleaned. I have blog post to write. I have slush to read for my interning position. And my WIP is really screaming my name.
Scenario #2
Me: Hey, hubby. I've got a conference to prepare for.
Hubby: It's sunny outside.
Me: Oh, we could go for a walk. And I could do some weeding. What about working on the chicken coop or scrubbing out the rain barrels. I've always wanted to learn how to build a fence...
Scenario #3
Me: Hey, hubby. I've got a conference to prepare for.
Hubby: Do you have anything you need to get ready for school?
Me: Oh, I have three books to read. Ninety book reports to grade. Ninety essays to grade. Some reading tests to score. Also, I think I might design an entire year's curriculum around dystopian adolescent literature.
Scenario #4
Me: Hey, hubby. I've got a conference to prepare for.
Hubby: I'm going to get on the internet.
Me: Oh, I wonder if CNN changed its top news stories yet. What about Facebook--have any of my friends updated. Oh and Twitter--there's a #YALitchat conversation happening tonight. I have three more stations I need to create on Pandora and one is for my WIP so it is muy important!
See? It's SOOOOOOOO easy to procrastinate, and I don't even have television!
What are your procrastination techniques?
Obviously I'm nervous as heck and I am doing everything in my power to procrastinate.
As this is my third job (mom first, teacher second, writer third) I find it very easy to procrastinate. For example:
Scenario #1
Me: Hey, hubby. I've got a conference to prepare for.
Hubby: Awesome. The boys need food. They also need diapers and wipes.
Me: Oh, a shopping trip. Also, the house needs to be cleaned. I have blog post to write. I have slush to read for my interning position. And my WIP is really screaming my name.
Scenario #2
Me: Hey, hubby. I've got a conference to prepare for.
Hubby: It's sunny outside.
Me: Oh, we could go for a walk. And I could do some weeding. What about working on the chicken coop or scrubbing out the rain barrels. I've always wanted to learn how to build a fence...
Scenario #3
Me: Hey, hubby. I've got a conference to prepare for.
Hubby: Do you have anything you need to get ready for school?
Me: Oh, I have three books to read. Ninety book reports to grade. Ninety essays to grade. Some reading tests to score. Also, I think I might design an entire year's curriculum around dystopian adolescent literature.
Scenario #4
Me: Hey, hubby. I've got a conference to prepare for.
Hubby: I'm going to get on the internet.
Me: Oh, I wonder if CNN changed its top news stories yet. What about Facebook--have any of my friends updated. Oh and Twitter--there's a #YALitchat conversation happening tonight. I have three more stations I need to create on Pandora and one is for my WIP so it is muy important!
See? It's SOOOOOOOO easy to procrastinate, and I don't even have television!
What are your procrastination techniques?
02 September 2011
The Call
So, when last we left off, our fearless author (that's me! Hi! *waves madly*) had just narrowly missed death escaping an earthquake while holing herself up in the bathroom (see how that makes me look good, instead of stupid, which is how I looked in the last post?). Now, the story continues...
I knew I was going to get a call from Mandy at 3:30, provided I didn't die in an aftershock. I even e-mailed her to let her know there was an earthquake and to not be worried if I didn't answer the phone. She wrote back promptly telling me to be safe hiding under my desk with the kids!
I jotted down a few questions, all meant to make me look highly intelligent and researched--questions about her communication style, her plans for my book, where she thought she would submit. How long did she think it would be until we submitted? I even wrote down a note to ask her for some client names so I could contact them and interview them. I was SO ready for the call.
A side note here: I love it when people love my writing. Up until now, though, "people" included my mom and grandma. And while I know they love my writing...I'm not sure they really count. In my query letter I didn't even mention the rave reviews my novel had gotten from Family Reviews...
But when she called, and I heard her talking (excitedly!) about my plot, my characters, my descriptions...it was HEAVEN! Not only that, but she kept talking about my book. I thought it couldn't get much better than this.
When the conversation about my book lasted for twenty minutes I started getting nervous. Wasn't the call supposed to go something like this:
AGENT: I love your book. Be my client.
AUTHOR: Done!
*everyone is happy*
Then I started thinking in my head "Oh, this isn't going to be the call. This is the cruelest rejection of all. She's going to let me down gently. But in a call. Like you're almost good enough, but stop sending me your stuff because I'm never going to be your agent."
I was almost hyperventilating. I had tears in my eyes. I was waiting and waiting for the rejection.
So when she finally offered representation I was all like "Oh, that's nice."
Yeah. I'm serious.
I was channeling my inner-Rain Man and Mandy was going to think I was the least interested author in all the land.
Then, instead of just yelling "Yes! Take me now!" I tried to play it cool and said something about needing to contact the other agents who had partial or full manuscripts.
But when I hung up with her, I was smiling. I knew I was on my way!
I knew I was going to get a call from Mandy at 3:30, provided I didn't die in an aftershock. I even e-mailed her to let her know there was an earthquake and to not be worried if I didn't answer the phone. She wrote back promptly telling me to be safe hiding under my desk with the kids!
I jotted down a few questions, all meant to make me look highly intelligent and researched--questions about her communication style, her plans for my book, where she thought she would submit. How long did she think it would be until we submitted? I even wrote down a note to ask her for some client names so I could contact them and interview them. I was SO ready for the call.
A side note here: I love it when people love my writing. Up until now, though, "people" included my mom and grandma. And while I know they love my writing...I'm not sure they really count. In my query letter I didn't even mention the rave reviews my novel had gotten from Family Reviews...
But when she called, and I heard her talking (excitedly!) about my plot, my characters, my descriptions...it was HEAVEN! Not only that, but she kept talking about my book. I thought it couldn't get much better than this.
When the conversation about my book lasted for twenty minutes I started getting nervous. Wasn't the call supposed to go something like this:
AGENT: I love your book. Be my client.
AUTHOR: Done!
*everyone is happy*
Then I started thinking in my head "Oh, this isn't going to be the call. This is the cruelest rejection of all. She's going to let me down gently. But in a call. Like you're almost good enough, but stop sending me your stuff because I'm never going to be your agent."
I was almost hyperventilating. I had tears in my eyes. I was waiting and waiting for the rejection.
So when she finally offered representation I was all like "Oh, that's nice."
Yeah. I'm serious.
I was channeling my inner-Rain Man and Mandy was going to think I was the least interested author in all the land.
Then, instead of just yelling "Yes! Take me now!" I tried to play it cool and said something about needing to contact the other agents who had partial or full manuscripts.
But when I hung up with her, I was smiling. I knew I was on my way!
26 August 2011
Prologue to The Call: The Day the Toilet Almost Exploded
Alright, alright. I know it's been a long time since I posted, but I didn't think you'd want a daily report of rejection letters, right? I mean, that's just depressing.
Instead, I saved up all my wonderfulness for this post which I knew would come sooner or later!
If you don't know already, as of today, I'm repped by the incredible Mandy Hubbard of D4EO Literary Agency! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
A lot of people like to hear about "The Call" so I thought I'd share mine with you. Hope that's okay!
Tuesday, August 23 started like any other day. Actually, it didn't. See, I'm a teacher and the day in question was the first day students came back to school. For those of you who aren't teachers, you don't understand.
The first day of school is scary.
Why? Because all summer I've been able to go to the bathroom when. I. want. (Yes, there's a point to this, I promise, and it's not that I took the call in the toilet because, well, that would be weird. And yes, I'm talking to you, all those people who talk on their phones while I'm trying to pee in Wal-Mart!) And now, because of schedules and holding hands on the first day of school there is literally No. Time. To. Go.
So, I get a little nervous and stressed out. What if I need to go? What if I don't have time? I really don't want to embarrass myself during the first day of school......and it's just a downward spiral of badness and negative thinking.
And, here we are. First day of school. Nervous about potty breaks. I've had two cups of coffee (bad idea, I know) and it's now lunch time. I need to go. I have to go. I do not have time because kids forget lunch boxes in lockers, they forget locker combinations, they forget they're in school. It's insanity.
Finally I saw it. A five minute break to check e-mail and run to the loo. E-mail first, because, who am I kidding? If I were in a burning building, I'd totally geek out and check my e-mail before running to a fire escape.
But, see. Here's a good reason I did! There was an e-mail in my box from Mandy Hubbard! It had only been four days since I sent her my revised full draft, so I'm thinking two things:
1. She's writing to tell me she'll put it on her reading schedule and when she thinks she'll get to it.
or
2. She's rejecting me already. Somehow, someone else had sent her an Australian story with a kilt-wearing aborigine that she loved even more.
I didn't even want to read it. I wasted seriously potty-venturing time to agonize over the decision. Finally I convinced myself to open it. She said she'd stayed up late and read my manuscript last night. Then she wanted to know if she could call me.
Uh...yeah!
See, she even tweeted about it!
But even after seeing that post, I tried to calm myself down while I was walking to the bathroom. She's just calling to say "Thanks, but no thanks." And then, I started getting depressed. Another "close but not quite there" rejection. IMHO, those are the WORST!
When I flushed the toilet, I noticed it started making this horrible groaning/screaming sound. "Get thee behind me, Moaning Myrtle!" I shouted. But the sound didn't stop. Then I knew what happened.
I broke the toilet.
I walked as nonchalantly as possible out of the bathroom, only to see a hoard of people outside in the hallway. "OMG, they know. They know I broke the toilet and killed Moaning Myrtle. I'm going to get killed by a gaggle of sixth graders!"
But, no. These silly little innocent, shell-shocked sixth graders on their first day of school told me there had been an earthquake! Bless their sweet little hearts. "Never fear," I told them. "Earthquakes are for Cali, not here!" I finally convinced them there is a self-destructing toilet in the Teacher's Lounge. That's why they're not allowed in there. If someone's going to drown, better it be a teacher than them!
Silly, silly little sixth-graders...
I headed back to my room to figure out what in the world I was going to ask Mandy when she called so I could look as professional as possible. Also, I was trying not to cry at the thought of rejection. It's a true story. Oh, and here's another part of the story that's true. There WAS an earthquake! Oops.......
To Be Continued
Instead, I saved up all my wonderfulness for this post which I knew would come sooner or later!
If you don't know already, as of today, I'm repped by the incredible Mandy Hubbard of D4EO Literary Agency! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
A lot of people like to hear about "The Call" so I thought I'd share mine with you. Hope that's okay!
Tuesday, August 23 started like any other day. Actually, it didn't. See, I'm a teacher and the day in question was the first day students came back to school. For those of you who aren't teachers, you don't understand.
The first day of school is scary.
Why? Because all summer I've been able to go to the bathroom when. I. want. (Yes, there's a point to this, I promise, and it's not that I took the call in the toilet because, well, that would be weird. And yes, I'm talking to you, all those people who talk on their phones while I'm trying to pee in Wal-Mart!) And now, because of schedules and holding hands on the first day of school there is literally No. Time. To. Go.
So, I get a little nervous and stressed out. What if I need to go? What if I don't have time? I really don't want to embarrass myself during the first day of school......and it's just a downward spiral of badness and negative thinking.
And, here we are. First day of school. Nervous about potty breaks. I've had two cups of coffee (bad idea, I know) and it's now lunch time. I need to go. I have to go. I do not have time because kids forget lunch boxes in lockers, they forget locker combinations, they forget they're in school. It's insanity.
Finally I saw it. A five minute break to check e-mail and run to the loo. E-mail first, because, who am I kidding? If I were in a burning building, I'd totally geek out and check my e-mail before running to a fire escape.
But, see. Here's a good reason I did! There was an e-mail in my box from Mandy Hubbard! It had only been four days since I sent her my revised full draft, so I'm thinking two things:
1. She's writing to tell me she'll put it on her reading schedule and when she thinks she'll get to it.
or
2. She's rejecting me already. Somehow, someone else had sent her an Australian story with a kilt-wearing aborigine that she loved even more.
I didn't even want to read it. I wasted seriously potty-venturing time to agonize over the decision. Finally I convinced myself to open it. She said she'd stayed up late and read my manuscript last night. Then she wanted to know if she could call me.
Uh...yeah!
See, she even tweeted about it!
But even after seeing that post, I tried to calm myself down while I was walking to the bathroom. She's just calling to say "Thanks, but no thanks." And then, I started getting depressed. Another "close but not quite there" rejection. IMHO, those are the WORST!
When I flushed the toilet, I noticed it started making this horrible groaning/screaming sound. "Get thee behind me, Moaning Myrtle!" I shouted. But the sound didn't stop. Then I knew what happened.
I broke the toilet.
I walked as nonchalantly as possible out of the bathroom, only to see a hoard of people outside in the hallway. "OMG, they know. They know I broke the toilet and killed Moaning Myrtle. I'm going to get killed by a gaggle of sixth graders!"
But, no. These silly little innocent, shell-shocked sixth graders on their first day of school told me there had been an earthquake! Bless their sweet little hearts. "Never fear," I told them. "Earthquakes are for Cali, not here!" I finally convinced them there is a self-destructing toilet in the Teacher's Lounge. That's why they're not allowed in there. If someone's going to drown, better it be a teacher than them!
Silly, silly little sixth-graders...
I headed back to my room to figure out what in the world I was going to ask Mandy when she called so I could look as professional as possible. Also, I was trying not to cry at the thought of rejection. It's a true story. Oh, and here's another part of the story that's true. There WAS an earthquake! Oops.......
To Be Continued
26 March 2011
Lessons from the Trenches: Agent Roundtable
Three D.C.-based agents attended the roundtable and only one dealt with fiction on any major scale.
Howard Yoon NF agent
Ellen Pepus NF agent
Deborah Grosvenor F/NF agent
The agent roundtable was rather disappointing after the rest of the day. I was hoping for some big insights, a way to hobnob, etc. But what I heard was very general stuff. Follow submission guidelines, query first, make sure you submit to the appropriate agent, we're all very busy, kind of stuff.
In other words, I'd heard it all before. This was the only panel I didn't take any notes on.
The only interesting part was a bit of a heated discussion about e-books and how authors need to defer to their agents when dealing with e-book rights. Yes, they're upset about the 25% royalty and they're trying to get it up to 50%, but otherwise, they're stuck where they are and authors should just deal with it.
Really. That's kind of how it came across.
I wish I had a list of questions that were asked versus the ones I wanted asked because I really don't feel like I got much from the roundtable.
So, if you could ask an agent something? What would you ask?
Howard Yoon NF agent
Ellen Pepus NF agent
Deborah Grosvenor F/NF agent
The agent roundtable was rather disappointing after the rest of the day. I was hoping for some big insights, a way to hobnob, etc. But what I heard was very general stuff. Follow submission guidelines, query first, make sure you submit to the appropriate agent, we're all very busy, kind of stuff.
In other words, I'd heard it all before. This was the only panel I didn't take any notes on.
The only interesting part was a bit of a heated discussion about e-books and how authors need to defer to their agents when dealing with e-book rights. Yes, they're upset about the 25% royalty and they're trying to get it up to 50%, but otherwise, they're stuck where they are and authors should just deal with it.
Really. That's kind of how it came across.
I wish I had a list of questions that were asked versus the ones I wanted asked because I really don't feel like I got much from the roundtable.
So, if you could ask an agent something? What would you ask?
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